Which means highpoint, or highest point. I’m not sure. I’m not sure about a lot of things these days. I am however sure that I have used the “these days” line before. It’s really not that bad. I just like exaggerating things.
Lisa and I are grabbing ice cream on Saturday. I don’t know if it’s a date. Sometimes describing things makes them more difficult to do. Sometimes it provides clarity. Sometimes it creates and adds to the confusion.
“I want to see more of you,” I said. “But that’s just going to go in to a whole spiral of me not wanting to leave.”
I have a lot of things I want. “I reuse lines,” I told her. She knows so many things about me. I’m scared and relieved at the same time. “I’ve run out of secrets.” “I’m sure you have more,” she said.
The line I use is “We can’t always get what we want. For example, I want you,” or something similar.
I’ve told her a lot about me. I don’t remember a lot about the things she tells me. I hope drunk Charlton is good to her. I know sober Charlton regrets a lot of the things drunk Charlton says, or even he is too scared to say.
One day we’ll be laying down again. Alone, as per usual. “Is there anything you’d change about me,” she would ask, because she has these thoughts. “Only one thing,” I will reply, “But you’re going to think it’s stupid.” There will be a lull in conversation. Thoughts racing, as they do, or not at all. “Tell me.” “Guess.” Another lull, or a rambling off of a list of things I don’t consider as important. Perhaps a silencing of her inane collection of words with a kiss. “Your surname.”
I don’t like writing stories about love. I do not like writing stories about lust or loss, but these are the ones I am good at and will continue to do.
One day I will stop thinking about happiness long enough to experience it.
Nicole said that she wants to visit a doctor because she’s found someone she feels a connection with. I feel the same way. But not for her, for me.
“I want to make sober memories with you. Fuck the butterflies. I’ll fuck up and own up.”
-Charlton, 13 May 2019