Charlotte’s fairwell

I waited for two hours, and no one came to the bar.

They said they would be there. My phone’s battery died. I couldn’t call, only hope. No one came.

Two hours.

It’s been suggested that I move through the feelings. I should feel it. The disappointment. The anger. The melancholy. I waited two hours. No one came.

“Surely they’ll be here soon.”

No one came.

I waited for two hours.

They didn’t think about me in the moment. I heard about the plans through a mutual friend. I only received an invitation when I asked about the details of the party. The plans were changed more than a week prior, and I was only informed the day of. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to,” but I did, because I care about her. And I took a day off from my second job as a waiter, because I won’t see her again for a long time because she’s going abroad, but no one came. I’m in trouble at work for only wanting to work weekends, and then taking a random day off. No one came. I spent hours making a beautiful collage which celebrates our friendship. No one came. They went to a restaurant about a hundred meters from the bar I was waiting at. When I got home and charged my phone, I had no message, no missed calls. They forgot about me. It was like I was an afterthought. No one came, and it broke my heart. I don’t like being invited anywhere because of pity. I always feel out of place. Every time I go out with friends it feels like they have whole lives and I’m only grasping mine by the tips. I sat alone for two hours because no one came. I feel like an idiot. I should have done something, but I don’t know what. I went to a two different bars to look for them. I dropped off the gift at her university residence. I was half expecting her to pitch up, “Oh hey, we were just leaving. Sorry about not letting you know.” There was no such message. No excuse. No one with me. They were all having fun, without me. No one came and I was left to stew in my own thoughts. I wonder what I did to be such a background character. I thought I had a bigger impact on my close friends’ lives, but it seems I don’t. I’m an afterthought to most.

It was a series of unfortunate events, and it probably won’t happen again, but I still feel it. It still hurts. No one came. I am important, but not to them. I don’t want to be forgotten. I don’t want to be someone who is no one. I don’t want to be someone who achieves nothing. I don’t want to be a supporting-character in everyone I meet’s lives. I’m just as good as other people.

But no one came, for two hours. I sat alone.

And I left alone.

And still, I am.

-Charlton, 29 July 2019

Posted on 28 Julie 2019, in Half. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Kommentaar.

  1. It’s unfortunate you had to go through this. I’ve seen it occur countless times and have even been on the receiving end myself, but have come to understand its inevitability. I’ll refrain from saying more at this moment since I could practically write a dissertation on the matter, but my cynicism is probably the last thing you need right now.

    You should remember that you need nobody’s affirmation but your own. There’s absolutely no excuse for them to have treated you that way, and you need to accept that they are beneath you if they find this sort of conduct acceptable. Perhaps you wasted two hours on that particular day, but you’ve saved many more in future.

    • This is one comment of your’s I disagree with. The lost connection was a brilliant lesson in planning, and also a breakthrough in healthy ways of self-reflection and introspection.

      Shit happens. Shit happened. We can’t get hung up on it

  2. Also, *farewell (maybe it was intentionally misspelled, but I don’t see why that would work here).

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